momo时报

阅读与听力满分，写作与口语中上。

拿到成绩首先是被满分吃了一惊，细细分析下来，不禁觉得一丝悲凉。我苦笑着。虽然分数不代表能力，尤其这样的英语考试根本就是技巧取胜，可不得不说这些数字是有象征意义的——我是一个放任自己去听去读，却抑制表达自己的人。

当我发现世界不如想象中美好，我让自己的原则死亡。我选择走下控制台，把自己交给现存的除了我之外的一切。我是完全被动的，什么理论我都愿意接受，什么人我都愿意表示善意，什么事我都无所谓去做。年少如我，竟然没做任何顽强抵抗就直接屈服了，还只怕自己屈服得不够彻底，枉谈什么反叛时代？我是自己原则的叛徒，是这张嘴、这个脑袋、这颗心最大的叛徒，为什么我们是你的你却不为我们生存、奋斗和讲话？

如果有其它宇宙，也许有个宇宙的我在面对现实时忠实自己，快乐平静勇敢地生活下去。不知道她现在是怎样？她一定是心灵饱满而富有行动力！虽然我错过成为那样人的机会，想到她我一点不觉得失落，这想象反而减轻我的失落感，给我希望。

事实证明，我的不抵抗没能让生活顺理成章，相反地，缺乏管理与控制让生活陷入表层的杂乱和内心的疯狂。如果这次是分叉口，我不要选择幼稚地沉默，我要站上控制台，行动起来去面对和处理问题。这将是我的新生活，经历的每件事每个人不但会有客观的定义，还会有主观的参与。

我必须主动开口说话，说出我要的，必须。不要问我客观的理由，因为这是我作为一个完整的人无法再抑制的愿望。

[Spoken:]
Come on girls
Do you believe in love?
'Cause I got something to say about it
And it goes something like this

[Chorus:]

Don't go for second best baby
Put your love to the test
You know, you know, you've got to
Make him express how he feels
And maybe then you'll know your love is real

You don't need diamond rings
Or eighteen karat gold
Fancy cars that go very fast
You know they never last, no, no
What you need is a big strong hand
To lift you to your higher ground
Make you feel like a queen on a throne
Make him love you till you can't come down
(You'll never come down)

[chorus]

Long stem roses are the way to your heart
But he needs to start with your head
Satin sheets are very romantic
What happens when you're not in bed
You deserve the best in life
So if the time isn't right then move on
Second best is never enough
You'll do much better baby on your own
(Baby on your own)

[chorus]

Express yourself
(You've got to make him)
Express himself
Hey, hey, hey, hey
So if you want it right now, make him show you how
Express what he's got, oh baby ready or not

[Intermediate:]

And when you're gone he might regret it
Think about the love he once had
Try to carry on, but he just won't get it
He'll be back on his knees

To express himself
(You've got to make him)
Express himself
Hey hey

What you need is a big strong hand
To lift you to your higher ground
Make you feel like a queen on a throne
Make him love you till you can't come down
(You'll never come down)

[intermediate]

So please

[chorus]

Express yourself
(You've got to make him)
Express himself
Hey, hey, hey, hey
So if you want it right now, make him show you how
Express what he's got, oh baby ready or not
Express yourself
(You've got to make him)
So you can respect yourself
Hey, hey
So if you want it right now, then make him show you how
Express what he's got, oh baby ready or not

de Beauvoir: Looking is satisfying, only there's no end to looking - Looking gives you both everything and nothing.

思考的乐趣……

缺少行动力的痛苦……

行动的愉快在……？

在变化和应对变化。

在构思未来中，我已经不知不觉落伍于时代了——戏早已不知道唱到了哪一出！

Comfort, Learning & Panic Zone, now I'm in the last one -- Reality shocks.

理想漏洞百出，闭门造车的结果是失望。平静是假象，人生多是动荡，我永远不可能跟上。

重在参与，然后心安理得地享乐。

曲: 黑豹 - "Dont Break My Heart"

孤独其实一点都不难熬

沟通不是必要

因为这个世界非常无聊

哪儿都没梦好

当你去想梦它到底是什么

答案是忙着去逃

不看不听不说又能怎样

知道的都(早)已知道

*Back to the reals

背叛寂寞

牵你的手

不再问什么对错

放下从前

放过以后

再将现实一并抛诸脑后*

每当看到梦与现实的距离

我总是很紧张

我只好选择去忘掉自己

怕万一 错过 了

其中之一*

过了一个非常震撼的光棍节。

爱情没有其实OK，暂时没那个兴趣。但事业居然突然岌岌可危……好在我属牛，粘可如牛皮糖，伸伸屈屈更健康；身外之物，不需要太认真。有就有，毛就毛，关键是心灵自由和开放。况且老天赐给了我波福娃，最近每天都有幸福感。

无论是当晚的沉默，还是次日清晨的狂奔，都为了抛开来自家庭的心理负担。因为我知道，我爸比我崩溃一百倍，因为这次他是什么忙都帮不上了。也怪我太失策，一直跟他们分享过程，应该到结果100%确定才通报！我最怕听老爸说“读书的钱还是要给”，这个负担我已经背了4年了！我实在是背不下去了！每次看你那张望女成凤的脸我就罪恶到想自杀了！我为了不辜负您都已经4年没放肆了（BY THIS我真把自己毁了。。。）！旧事重提，唉，老爸你昨晚提的方案让我很难过。我跟4年前不一样了，YOU KNOW？我要的不是一只坚强的大手托这托那的，而是一点狠心，一点信心。生活给我出了个难题而已，我真的可以解决啊！您激动地要牺牲自己干什么呢？？让我们都放过彼此吧~~ 反正我是管不了那么多了，开心做我自己的，让他纠结去吧。

还是我妈牛：坚持到底。我喝早茶去了。88

我：你有没搞错啊？